but I wish I could wash that man right out of my hair. Three years. My yearning to be with him has, thankfully, faded. but the void remains. I used to be whole, now I'm empty, comparatively. it's better, much better, but it's not good enough. and I still have those "why can't i have him" moments. the painful, bottemless freefall of hopeless longing. I would be so happy if the dream, the idea, the hope, could dissolve out of my life, not leaving me a shell, but no longer wondering what I'm missing, and "why me?"ing all over the place. I don't want the happy dreams, I don't want the sad tears, I just don't want any of it anymore. please let it fade away a little bit faster, a little bit more comepletely. please.